** Please note, these are not actual quotes from Pat Robertson, nor are these projects and organizations real, it's merely conjecture about how he might respond to certain ideas and situations. In other words, it's strictly satire folks.
10. “Project Haitian-Elevation”
The Agenda: Emergency aid for the citizens of Haiti by providing food, drinking water, medical supplies, shelter and reconstruction fund.
Rev. Robertson's Reason for Rejecting: “Fasting is good for the soul, besides if those folks had simply worked with the French instead of ol' “you-know-who,” they'd be eating croissants and French toast right now instead of stealing … which is a sin ... NEXT!
9. “The Big Easy Building Fund”
The Agenda: Continuing where FEMA, the Red Cross and other organizations left off, houses are to be built in the 9th Ward of New Orleans for the remaining homeless families during the tragic flood of 2005.
Rev. Robertson's Reason for Rejecting: “People lived off the land in the Bible, why should these folks be any different or why didn’t they simply come in from the storm? They were probably too busy: boozing, bumpin’ and grindin’ and baby butchering … which are all sins … yep, too busy to even notice … NEXT!
8. “WTC Awareness Day and Silent Art Auction”
The Agenda: An annual commemorative art show in honor of the World Trade Center victims of the horrific Sept. 11 terrorist attacks; all proceeds will be donated to the memorial fund.
Rev. Robertson's Reason for Rejecting: “ Awareness Day?"... It’s too late to be aware now, if the people in that city had been more aware of their hell-bound ways … and being hell-bound is a sin … those bearded menaces would have realized who the REAL co-pilot in charge was and simply landed on the roof! ...NEXT!.....Besides, I have enough art in my house; and on velvet too!
- 7. “G.L.A.A.D. 4 KIDS Inc.” The Agenda: An extension of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation organization, “GLAAD 4 kids” is working to help gay youth deal effectively with discrimination and harassment.
Rev. Robertson's Reason for Rejecting: “Train up a child in the way he should go, NOT train him to join any groups of freaky sexual perversion that wear sissy clothing and tight leather!
My Lawd; my flesh is burning hot just thinking about something so 'sin-hellacious’ … And no, not THAT way, either … NEXT project ! ... NEXT! ... NEXT!
My Lawd; my flesh is burning hot just thinking about something so 'sin-hellacious’ … And no, not THAT way, either … NEXT project ! ... NEXT! ... NEXT!
