Saturday, May 1, 2010

Top 10 People Who Need the Sugar Honey Ice Tea Shaken Out of Them!

10. Howard Stern:
Why He’s Full of  ****… No one with a radio or a TV set should be surprised by shock-jock Stern’s on-air antics by now; he’s highly paid to throw shade at everyone. However, when hawk-nosed Howie took aim at Gabourey Sidibe, (the zaftig and zealous star of Precious) cruelly calling her out on her weight and lack of career options, he was not only unnecessarily nasty....but loud and wrong! Aside from her Oscar-nominated actress swag, Gabby has already scored her next movie deal, a recurring role on a TV show, and best of all, she’s got “The O” in her corner … that’s better than half the salad-eatin’ actresses in Tinseltown alone; so you might wanna' get your facts straight the next time you aim that hater-dust!

Amount of Shaking Needed:
(Level Five) I suspect Howard’s REAL reason for attacking Gabby was for ratings. I say shake him ‘til that ‘Jheri-Curl-for-White-Guys' he’s been rockin’ for three decades runs out of activator. Then give him a hug — attention-whores need love, too.

9. Robin Quivers: 

 Why She’s Full of **** … As Howard’s longtime co-host and string-less puppet, Robin could have spoken up as a formerly full-figured sista herself instead of chiming in on the Gabby-bashing. I get that Ms. Quivers has a job to do, but she’s no more scripted than Stern and should have her own opinion … (although I suspect she signed over her rights to voice it along with her ‘hood-pass and ability to buy a decent bra).

Amount of Shaking Needed: (Level 9) Robin committed high treason: crimes against her own kind and needs to be shaken until that nauseating nasal voice of hers gets it’s ethnicity back … or do we need to start the race-trade negations now?

8. John Mayer: 
Why He’s Full of **** … Rock stars are a pretty self-indulgent group as it is, but John Mayer’s career-crucifying behavior makes Kanye seem like a Boy Scout with wings! He’s not only infamous for canoodling exclusively with red carpet A-listers (thus brokering his penis as a marketing tool for media exposure), but he’s a kiss-and-tell boyfriend as well (the ultimate beeyotch move). If I were he I’d start saving my checks now before the VH1 “Where Are They Now?” special in 2018.

Amount of Shaking Needed: (Level Five) Normally the self-destructing behavior of one vainglorious musician is not grounds for shaking, but after reading that he referred to his member as “David Duke” regarding his distaste towards sistas, and his use of the N-word; I believe his shaking is long overdue! As for him not liking black women, it’s all good ‘cuz I suspect that it’s only his music that’s “deep” anyway … (nothing more to see here people, move along).

7. Fantasia’s Family: 
Why They’re Full of  ****… Now, I like ‘Tasia and I’ve been rooting for her since ”American Idol,” so when I heard she was getting her own reality show ( presumably to repair her damaged public persona )
I had my fingers crossed it wouldn’t be another hot-ghetto-mess .
Well, I guess I should have crossed my legs, toes and my eyes ‘cuz that family of hers puts the funk in dysfunction! No wonder she’s always screaming, carrying on and leaning down like her back is broken when she sings, she’s carrying the weight of her grown-@$$  family on her shoulders!

Amount of Shaking Needed
: (Level 2): It’s really her own business to let her Mama and ‘nem mooch off her so I recommend a gentle shake and reality check about reality shows: Take a note from Keyshia Cole’s experience and kick all of them ( especially “Teeny”) out the house, off the air and put them on T-shirt and potato salad committee for the next family reunion!

6. Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin’s baby’s daddy: 
Why He’s Full of  ****... I  don’t dislike or like Sarah Palin but I admire her for not paying one of the Alaskan hockey teams to beat the puck out of this loser for the way he’s gleefully toyed with her daughter’s heart and sold out their family name; exchanging secrets and hearsay with the whole world for his 15 minutes. The only good thing abut this guy is that he’s claimed the No. 1 spot as the national “Baby-Daddy Bum-of-the-Year” award from the bruhs, something I know helps Lil' Wayne sleep better at night.

Amount of Shaking Needed: (Level 7) Levi is a butt-munch of the first degree so I suggest Sarah and Bristol strap him to one of those Bullwinkles they’ve got in the backyard, no doubt and let it ‘Moose-Shake’ him till that smugness pukes out of him!
Read the rest on "Rolling Out".com @  Top 10 People Who Need the Sugar Honey Ice Tea Shaken Out of Them!