Tuesday, June 29, 2010


                         Written and Illustrated by Lena Hopkins-Jackson

10. Legendary songstress Patti Labelle’s infamous shoe-throwing-antics ends badly during her tribute to Prince when she hits one of Drake’s entourage members who boomerangs it into Chaka Khan’s hair. ..Never to be seen (or worn) ever again.

9. Nicki Minaj has a major wardrobe dysfunction while changing into yet another one of her “ UniverSoul Circus” wigs, and  picks one that has still has Lil’ Kim attached to it!!!….( *Dang, Nicki…the expression is steal from the best and make it your OWN, not steal the best and make HER your own!*)
On a positive note, Lil’ Kim is able to rap over Nicki’s lip-synching thus giving Nicki’s performance some much-needed authenticity!

8. BET Chief-Executive-Officer and illuminati field-agent, Debra Lee announces that the network will officially change it’s name from BET to EBT ( Ebonics & Buffoonery Television) and then reveals what was  REALLY hiding underneath her massive “1000 dead pink-flamingos” dress……a food stamps swiping machine!

7. During the “Teddy Pendergrass thong waving tribute”; somebody’s XXL granny panties lands on singer Tyrese momentarily blinding his already squinty eyes. Fortunately everything is cleared up & aired out (literally) though when BET talk-show host Mo’Nique scoops them up & puts them back on….no harm done really, it wasn’t Mo’Sexy or Mo’Classy but it was at least….. Mo’kay.

6. A post-show announcement is made that the “Tiny & Toya”  Reality show  will now offer the much-needed  foreign language  subtitles for the upper east coast viewing audience and actresses Wendy Raquel Robinson and Taraji P. Henson will be getting their own reality show “Loud & Proud “ as a new season replacement for “College Hill” ( which based on BET staff research is responsible for increased enrollment amongst Black students, which means they won’t have time to watch videos and therefore in violation of the BET vision statement )

5. Alicia Key’s gets so excited to perform during the Prince tribute that she gives birth , even more bizarre the baby swings down from the umbilical cord and starts immediately playin’ on the same piano his mom was just gyrating & grinding on ..now that’s talent!!!

 4. MaShonda Beatz ( Swizz’s wife.....um, for now) bum-rushes the stage during Alicia’s song and calls her out as a shameful home-wrecker, only to be pushed aside by Kanye who declares that although he’s sorry for interrupting …( um, again) and that he’ll let Alicia finish her affair…. but Gabrielle Union STILL has the worst home-wrecker record of all time…OF-ALL-TIME!

3. Wendy & Lisa , Vanity 6, Sheila E, Appollonia, Morris Day, Rosie Gaines and members of both The  New Power Generation and The Revolution perform a Prince medley, giving “His Royal Badness” the tribute  his fans REALLY wanted to see…everybody he made a star finally giving him his props 
( ungrateful bastards!); followed by a brief & touching presentation by “Maybelline”, Dark & Lovely” & “Soft-Sheen” home-relaxer products.

2.      Instead of Queen Latifah coming out in a different costume every 15 minutes, let’s see her come out– period! Enough already La’, we KNOW… and now that Ellen has made it fashionable...say it loud & proud and get YOUR talk-show on and your own gorgeous out-of-work actress girlfriend (*pause---no homo) by your side…you’ve earned it Queen!  Now eat yer’ heart out……um, so to speak.

...and the number 1# Top Ten *Untelevised* Moment of the BET  2010 Awards was.......
During his tour-de-force comeback, Chris Brown cries tears of joy to be accepted by the crowd but loses it  when “attention-hog”rapper Lil’ Mama jumps on stage to steal some of his glory and he proceeds to poppin’ her in her lip-gloss….and um…well, you pretty much know the story from here………*sigh* nice  MJ moves though!