Friday, June 25, 2010

Your Weekly Top Ten Presents: "Top Ten Ways A Real 'G' Would Handle This BP Oil Spill”….

Written and Illustrated By Lena Hopkins-Jackson ( With all due respect and love to Aaron McGruder)

REAL “G” SOLUTION 10#.......”World’s Biggest Fish-Fry” : We could call it the “Under-The Sea Cookout”...I’m getting the “ITIS” just thinkin’ about it! Yo’ check It:
dem’ fish already dead anyway…right? Ain’t nobody thinkin’ bout’ dem’ fish ...right?
In fact we doin’ the Ocean a favor by having this fish fry; we could charge $5.oo a plate and half the, I mean 1/3…..naw, SOME of the proceeds can go to paying off this deficit my man Obeezy inherited!

REAL “G” SOLUTION 9#....... “World’s Biggest Pelican & Seagull Fry”:
Basically the same concept as the fish-fry, we just usin’ birds,… thass’ all nigga’, thass’ all! ...AND I hear those sea-birds taste just like chicken if you season them right !

REAL “G” SOLUTION 8#..........”Hair-Oil For Hard To Lay Down Weaves”:
Yo’, did you peep that movie “Good Hair”? Did you see how much cheddar ‘dem Malaysians and Indians be making off black people tryin’ get hair like white people?? Uh-huh-Uh-huh…I see an opportunity knocking, don’t you? If me and my boys can dip into that BP oil and sell it by the gallon to all these Beyonce’ wannabees , maaaaan, we shutting down :Revlon, Dark & Lovely, Isoplus and every corner-market Asian hair-supply store out of business! I’m goin’ Tony Montana on ‘dem marks! Yeea-Ah!

REAL “G” SOLUTION 7#....... “Lotion For Ashy People”: Need I say more? A jar of Vaseline and Coca butter just don’t seem to do it for some niggas; their legs and feet be looking so white it’s like they got that ‘light-skin-people-creating’ disease Michael Jackson swore he had.

REAL “G” SOLUTION 6#. …..“The Biggest Oil & Water Super-Soaker fight ever!!!” Yeah, yeah…I know oil and water don’t mix .. BUT it did anyway, didn’t it nigga’…didn’t it??!! So since the oil is already there; polluting future crabby patty sandwiches and Red Lobster specials, why not make a game out of it?! We could load up our water guns and get it on & poppin’ for weeks, whatever oil is left over the losing team has to clean it up….and naw, I don’t know what that other team is gon’ do with it nigga’; my job was to find out how to make use of the oil that’s already there….“oil-disposal is anutha’ nigga’s job!

REAL “G” SOLUTION 5#. …. “Let The Mexicans Over There Clean It up”
They need the work don’t they? I may be wrong for this one but I figure they owe us anyway after putting all these “Checks-Cashed” and “Taco-Bells” up in the hood
( Can a nigga eat a burrito, just one without getting the ‘Hershey squirts’….
I’m sayin’nigga’ ...d@yum )

 REAL “G” SOLUTION 4#.. “Pour Some of That Oil into the Water-Jets and Boats That Are Already Out There” It’s that simple nigga, I don’t know why Obeezy and nem’ BP gangsters didn’t already come up with this one themselves! As matter a fact, tell the White House staff niggaz to go ahead and get my corner office ready….my solutions to the BP screw-up was a freebie, the rest of my ideas are gonna’ cost you!
I don’t care if the USA is in debt…:$@^#%-YOU…PAY-ME!

REAL “G” SOLUTION 3#. ….I dunno’ yet nigga, I’m only eight years old…..gimme’ a second…d@yum!
….. right now I’m wondering where’s Al Gore when you need him?!! You couldn’t throw a bubble-gum wrapper on the ground without that nigga’ sayin’ it was gonna’ destroy the Ozone layer back-in-the-day! If he wants to save the planet, put HIM on clean-up duty!

…and my hater-brother Huey wants to know how come the USA didn’t see this coming after the Exxon Valdez disaster; which is a whole-nutha’oil spill from a long time ago…are the two supposed to be related or somethin’, what?

REAL “G” SOLUTION 2# …. “Pimp-Your-Ride-On-The-Ocean-Wide” Car Show!
Hold me down niggaz cuz’ niggaz ain’t ready for this! Anybody can go to an average car show on land… BUT REAL niggaz is takin’ it up a notch every day, flippin’ the game with somethin’ new… we takin’ it to the sea now, nigga! Check it : we fill up the cars with that BP oil and just let ‘em float on hydraulics and 175 inch dubs!!! BANANAS!!!

...and the number 1# REAL “G” SOLUTION To Handle This BP Oil Spill...
Make ‘dem BP niggaz clean up their own damn mess; every last one of ‘em from the CEO to the dumb @ss who was at the wheel….that should have been THE solution on day one!

Pimp, out……..